why didn't you poke me back
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
