I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
