I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize