you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
