READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
