First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
