so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
