So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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