6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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