I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
