party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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