im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
