I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's never too late to be topless.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
