i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
