I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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