her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
