I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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