She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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