Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
