please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
