went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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