We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
