Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
