stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize