so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
P.S. I can't hear my feet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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