I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
