So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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