no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
