I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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