mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
