it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
