Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
