the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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