Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
