the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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