Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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