So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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