You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
