new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
