Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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