i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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