Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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