It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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