No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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