I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
