Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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