i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
