Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
