the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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