Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
