Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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