he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
