sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
