i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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