Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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