it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
