Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
