I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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