Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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