I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
