just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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