hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
