Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
