Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
