she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
