Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
