...so i touched it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
