so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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