The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
