You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
