There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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