you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
