I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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