At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize