He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
