dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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