apparently the secret to your success is patron
operation have a gay friend backfired
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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