so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
ok first of all what the fuck
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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