he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
