i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
