We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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