Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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