Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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