he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize