he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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