So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
