where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
