The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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