A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
