Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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